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TRP: Goro and Luci (Gut Feeling)
Day 267, on the ship, late evening. He felt a little awkward about it, considering she'd fuckin' fled the room as soon as he started talking about Hansel, but Goro was still determined to find Luci and give her a proper thank you. Sorry you had to listen to my gossip, hah. By the way, thanks for bringing me back from the dead. Yeah. Yeah... This fucking mattered, though. It'd been an oversight not to talk to her sooner. Took him ages to find her, just because of how slow he was moving. Dragging himself along, leaning on walls or the railing or whatever was available where he happened to be. He knew he oughta just fucking go to bed. Wouldn't feel better until he slept a full night. He didn't picture that going well, though. Fuck sleep. He found her curled up, out of the way, at the bow of the ship. Most people would've missed her entirely. He eased himself down a few feet away, wincing at how sore everything felt, but relieved to be getting off his feet. He saluted her with two fingers. IZZY: She saw him coming. It wasn't too surprising that he wasn't as stealthy as he typically was -- having died, and all. One of two people Luci had brought back to life, now, that she knew personally and continued to see on a daily basis. It was very strange to look at Gavi, and now it would be strange to look at Goro, too, and know: I did that. A whisper in the back of her head. I did that. He sat down nearby without saying anything, just giving a sort of wave. He still seemed to be in pain -- likely just exhausted, but she asked anyway. "Do you need me to heal you? I still have some magic left." Not much, but she could make it go far enough, if he needed it. LINA: He shook his head. "I'll live. Save it in case someone else needs it." He was mostly alright now, and he'd sleep the rest off. It was the exhaustion getting to him more than anything, and she couldn't fix that. God, diving straight into thanks for saving my life felt a lot fucking weirder than he'd expected. "Nice night," he said instead. IZZY: She narrowed her eyes at him a bit. Well. He was capable of being upright, anyway, and he'd walked this far. He would, she supposed, live. Someone else might get hurt more badly, and she was sure he was tapped. It would be more ... tactical? Yes. Tactical for her to conserve her magic. She wanted him to be okay, though. Ignoring what he'd said, because it was not a nice night, she offered, "I have another healing potion, if you want. Hansel can make more. I made sure he has plenty of herbs." LINA: He waved her off. "Nah, nah, it's fine. Seriously. Um." He rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand. "Listen, I just wanted to say thank you. I know it takes a lot." IZZY: She blinked at him. "What?" LINA: "Thanks for reviving me. Second time you've saved my sorry ass, actually." IZZY: "Oh." Right. It didn't take a lot; that was the thing that kept getting to her. It was just ... a finite amount of magic, no worse than warding someone against death or speaking with a spirit. She had cast healing spells with more vigor than it took to revive the dead. That was troubling, somehow. It was on a timer, though. If Jonn were dead already, or Roddy was, or Theo, there was nothing she could do for them. Finite. Not like what Goro had done. "It's no trouble," she said, realizing she'd been quiet a moment too long. "Um. I'm just. Glad you're okay." LINA: "Oh. Thanks." He hugged his knees to his chest and pressed his face against them for a second. "I mean. I guess. I'm just glad about Raef's husband, and shit. You get credit for that too, you know. 'Cause I wouldn't have done the thing with... with my wand if you hadn't been around." IZZY: "Oh," she said again. "That's good to know." She hesitated. "I ... I didn't know that. Considering you used it when I wasn't around, before." Jonn had told her about it -- he'd heard it from Hansel, probably. Goro using the wand on Mishka and on Joan Ripley with no backup plan. LINA: "Oh, yeah. That was different. 'Cause..." He blinked a few times. "Those were... those were people I cared about, and all. Raef's husband, I didn't know him. Just did it as a favor." IZZY: Luci stared at him silently for a moment. "That's, um. A big favor to do someone." LINA: "Nah, because..." He flapped a hand at her. "Had you there. Like I was saying." Well, it fucking had been a huge favor, but mainly because he was afraid of losing the wand. Which he fucking did, albeit in an unexpected way. Damn it. IZZY: "Hm." She looked down at the deck and thought for a moment, rolling her staff in her hand. "Well, I think it was ... probably a big favor as far as Raef is concerned. And his husband, for that matter. I think it's, um." If he were one of the other acolytes at the Sanctuary, she would say that it was an amazing feat in service to Eldath, but she didn't actually know how much his god cared about such acts. Mask wasn't a preserver of life, inherently; a trickster god, not a life-giver. Not a healer. Goro clearly was, though. She scooted closer so that there were only a few inches between them, instead of a few feet. "I think that it's a big deal to recognize that someone is in pain, and find a way to work to relieve their pain, especially at detriment to yourself." She glanced at him. He could say I'll live all he wanted, but he couldn't deny the detriment. "I think you'd make a very good life cleric, that's all." LINA: "Um. Ah. Pffff." Weird fuckin' thing to say. What an Amari. "Nah." IZZY: She frowned at him. "Don't do that." LINA: "Don't do what?" IZZY: "I'm trying to compliment you. Don't brush it aside. I don't say things that I don't mean." LINA: "Oh." Goro looked away, rubbing his arms, fidgeting. "I mean, you're entitled to your fuckin' opinion, and all. I just, ah..." He wanted to be tactful, but he remembered Luci had been in the damn room when he'd told Larkin he was too rotten to do the right thing. Still. He shrugged. IZZY: "You're supposed to say thank you." LINA: "Uh, I don't, psh." He scrubbed his fingers through his hair. "I mean, you could tell me, 'hey, you got beautiful green eyes,' and that'd be a compliment, but it'd be fuckin' wrong, and I wouldn't have to say thank you." IZZY: "It would still be very rude not to." She kind of thought she was upsetting him, but she had a hard time telling, sometimes. And he was a tricky person to read, she had noticed. "Um." She shrugged. "I'll stop saying it if it makes you uncomfortable, but it will still be true." LINA: "Mmm." Goro shook his head. Though he wondered if the lesser evil here was just letting her think she was right. He worried vaguely about being a bad influence on her if she thought he was decent in any way, but then again, this girl had Jonn for an older brother. "Thanks." IZZY: Luci was under no illusion that he'd decided to believe her. She studied the deck and twisted her staff. Unfortunately, that wasn't the kind of healing she was good at. Other people -- like Amari -- would be of more help to him. Her utility was ... limited, in that way. She knew that she was excellent at what she did, but she couldn't do everything. Sometimes, though, the most helpful thing was simple contact. She'd never been very good at that, either, except with Jonn, but it was getting a little easier; it turned out that there just weren't many people at the Abbey that she was particularly inclined to touch. But then she had sought out Hansel, which hadn't been difficult since he'd come straight for her when they'd been unable to contact the Sanctuary, and she'd kept gravitating towards them rather than wanting to be alone. She slid the last few inches closer to lean against Goro's arm. Simple contact. It felt better. Maybe it'd make him feel better, too. LINA: Goro stopped moving, his eyes widening. Oh, well, what the fuck. She was cozying up to him, and shit. Ah, hell, this was gonna be his stepdaughter at some point, wasn't it? Maybe they'd be hugging on a regular basis, and shit. Maybe that was normal. Fuck, wasn't like he knew what a normal family was like. He patted her on the back, hesitantly. IZZY: Ah. Well, that was very awkward. Even she could tell that. It would probably be easier to just stop doing it than try to make it less strange. Maybe it was all right if it was strange, though. It wasn't bad. She supposed he must not have much experience with this kind of thing, whatever it was. She didn't either. LINA: "Yeah, so, uh." Goro was probably turning red, but it was fine. Luci was a human, and they had shit eyes. "How about that, uh... hey, you know, I've heard of a spell that can raise the dead for like, a good week or so after they die. You know what I'm talking about?" IZZY: She nodded. LINA: "Wanna try and learn that. You don't know anyone who can cast it, by any chance, do you?" IZZY: "No," she said slowly. "I think that at this point I've surpassed everyone I knew at the Sanctuary, except for Amari. I don't suppose she knows it." LINA: "Nah." He felt a funny little glimmer of pride, knowing that his mom was the best cleric they had. "Wonder if... you and me could figure it out, maybe. Eh." Sounded like a stupid offer as soon as it was out of his mouth. IZZY: Oh. That was an interesting thought. "I learned all of the spells I know from other clerics. I've never ... figured one out on my own." She tilted her head. "You can do that?" LINA: He pulled back a little to look at her, surprised, before settling back into place. "Sure as hell can. I figured you, of all people, would be into that kinda thing. You're all--" He flapped a hand around. "Bookish, 'n shit. I've learned spells here and there just from reading about Mask. Y'know, fables and whatnot. They got kind of a secret language to 'em, and once you decode that, there's tricks you can pick up. Though, I dunno if Eldath works the same way. Er, uh, Eilistraee." IZZY: "Maybe they didn't want us to," she said quietly. She hadn't thought of it, before. But they were all pacifists. "I learned, um. Spiritual Weapon, and Inflict Wounds -- I had read about them, but I didn't learn how to cast them until I watched you. I thought that I just couldn't." LINA: Goro ignored his kneejerk reaction, which was to bitch about Eldath clerics, and how they were out of touch with reality and holding their own people back. If Luci was prone to that kind of thinking, she probably already thought it, and didn't need him to say it for her. He didn't say the second thing that came to his head, either, which was, You were... watching me? Fucking learning from me? He couldn't decide if that was mortifying or flattering. Fuckin' both, he guessed. Instead what crawled out of his mouth was some random shit that had been in the back of his mind for a while. "There's this one spell I was reading about. It'd be like, a fuckin' upgrade of my curse spell. Let me cast diseases on people." His eyes glazed for a second before he snapped himself out of it. "Pfff. Shit. And you think I could be a life cleric. Anyway, whatever. My point is, I think you can do fuckin' anything Eilistraee's okay with you doing. And she's no fucking pacifist, is she?" IZZY: "No," she said absently, then looked up. "Contagion? I've read about that spell. It sounds, um." She had conflicting thoughts. It sounded awful, and like something that someone would come to the Sanctuary to get help for. It also sounded like something that would be helpful in keeping her family safe. Pacifism -- it was simple. More black and white. It didn't allow for much in the way of individual opinions, or specific scenarios. "It sounds like something you could use to great effect to keep my father alive and well," she settled on. She twisted her staff. "I wonder if I could learn it, too." Eilistraee may take issue with it. She wasn't sure. LINA: "Something I could use to great effect to keep your father alive and well," Goro repeated. He snorted. "Oddly specific." IZZY: "It sounds foul," she admitted. "But I don't believe that you would use it on someone who didn't deserve it." LINA: "Someone who deserves it being someone who hurts Hansel," he guessed. IZZY: "Or someone who hurts you. Or Mishka. Or Roddy," she added, more quietly. LINA: "Ah." IZZY: She looked at him. LINA: He folded his arms on top of his knees and buried his face in them. IZZY: "Um." What was that thing Jonn did? She bumped her shoulder against Goro's gently, leaning into him more for a second. She always liked it when her brother did that. LINA: "I been wondering if there's any fucking spell that could erase a guy from existence and also just wipe everyone's memory clean of him. I think that might be the way to go." IZZY: "Wish, I expect," she said, puzzled. "For ... who?" LINA: He lifted his head to squint at her. "Me." IZZY: She squinted back. "I don't understand." LINA: "Ah, never mind." He hid his face again. "Wish. Hell. Lotsa shit my people would wanna do if we got ahold of that." IZZY: She kept squinting at him. "No. Not never mind." This required more than simple contact. This was a Hansel sort of situation -- like when Jonn got too upset and needed to be physically held in place until he calmed down -- but Hansel was ... busy. She didn't know where he was. And she didn't know where Jonn was, either, which was its own problem. Luci chewed on her thumbnail for a moment, then realized she was doing it, made herself stop, and pushed one arm under his to wrap around his chest, the other going around his back, and rested her cheek against his back, too. There. That was what Hansel or Jonn would do, probably. This was ... okay. LINA: "Ah, ah, what the fuck." He held his arms in the air. "Are you hugging me?" IZZY: "Yes." Oh. "Do you ... want me to stop?" She made to pull away, awkwardly. LINA: "No, no, that's... ah." He wavered for a second, then grabbed her to hug her back. Too tight. He let up immediately. Fuck. IZZY: "Oh." She tensed up automatically, more from being startled than anything. Yes. That was a familiar sort of hug. She did it back. "Don't ... erase yourself from existence. The world would be lesser for it." LINA: "Uh. Hang on. Sorry. Gimme a second." He pulled away and crawled, falling all over himself, to the railing a few feet away. He would've got up and run if he'd had the energy for it. He dragged himself up and leaned over the railing, covering his face with his hands. God, the way she'd said that... it made him so sad. It was a simple statement, and so plainly true. The world would be missing something if he left. Whether that was a good or bad thing, eh, that seemed less relevant than just knowing there'd be a loss. God. "I'm okay," he said over his shoulder, hastily. Sniveling. She could probably hear the tears in his voice. Ah, who was he kidding. IZZY: "Um. Okay." He certainly wasn't. She stayed where she was, though, and gave him a second, looking away to give him some privacy and fidgeting with her staff. LINA: Once he'd collected himself, he wiped his face off on his sleeve, turned around, and sank down to the deck. Seemed a little much to crawl back over to her, now. "Listen. Me and your dad." IZZY: She gave him a wary look. LINA: "Did he tell you we're getting married? I guess." IZZY: "Oh. Yes, he did." LINA: Huh. Goro was real fucking curious how that conversation had gone. He realized he could just ask. "What'd he say?" IZZY: "That ... you're getting married?" she said, puzzled. LINA: "Yeah, but. How'd he say it? He seem happy about it?" IZZY: "Oh." That was what he meant. He should've been more specific. "Yes. He was ... um, sometimes he does this thing where he gets too excited to, um, not be hugging someone, I guess? When he told me and Jonn about it he didn't stop hugging Jonn for the entire conversation. He was ecstatic, yes." LINA: "Oh." Goro's shoulders curled in a little, since he was getting that heart-squeezing feeling again. "God, what the hell's wrong with that guy. Anyway, um, god, I love him... so much." He huffed a little, short of breath. "See, can't even fuckin' breathe right when I talk about him. I love him. I... well, that was a fuckin' digression. Guess you didn't need to know that. Anyway, uh, just wanted to make sure you knew about us getting engaged, and shit. Seems like something a person should know, when their dad's marrying someone." IZZY: She nodded, slightly uncomfortable, but also slightly pleased. It was ... good. How over the moon Hansel clearly was for Goro, and how Goro returned the feeling. That was something real and tangible, and it would be lost, too, if Goro erased himself from existence. All of the bonds he had made and all of the memories he was part of. She hoped that was just a passing thought of his. "You probably can't breathe properly because you recently returned from the dead," she commented. LINA: "Nah." He sniffed and shook his head. "I'm telling you--I'm telling everyone--it was that fuckin' spell. The one I cast, I mean. Wiped me the fuck out. I made a whole body from a goddamn jawbone." IZZY: "Mm. You can tell my father that." She tapped the end of her staff against the deck. "But casting from a wand or a staff doesn't work that way. It was the dying." LINA: He scowled. "Like you've ever fuckin' resurrected someone from a bone." IZZY: "I didn't say it wasn't impressive." LINA: He looked away and sneered. Not at her, just in general. "Anyway. About that shit I was saying in the galley. That stays between us and Larkin, yeah? Your dad'd probably get all fuckin'... sad, if he heard it. Don't need to do that to him again." IZZY: She was quiet for a moment, studying the deck. "He's perceptive. I don't think he needs to be told." She looked back to him. "I won't say anything, though." She wasn't very good at lying, but she was good at being quiet, and no one ever really asked her things, anyway. LINA: "Perceptive of what?" he asked, scowling again. "That he doesn't really trust me? Pretty sure he'd deny that up and down, if I asked him." Damn it, that was probably saying too much. Whether or not Luci would pass it on, he doubted she wanted to hear it. He covered his mouth and looked away. IZZY: "Hansel isn't a liar," she said. She expected Goro knew that. Maybe he just needed to be reminded. LINA: "Never said he was. Doesn't make every word coming out of his mouth true, even if he believes it." IZZY: She tilted her head at him. He was a difficult person to argue with. She didn't know if she'd ever met anyone quite so convinced of their own lack of worth, and so good talking their way around even the implication that they were worthy. Hansel, maybe. She knew Hansel better, though, and the things he'd done, and felt justified guilt over. She didn't know about Goro. She suspected it was moot, however; even if she could argue with facts, he would deny them. She was quiet for a moment. She was ... tired, and sad, and scared her brothers were dead and her home was destroyed, and it was easier to ignore those things and continue to function as a person because she wasn't alone. Specifically, she believed, because she was with someone she trusted. She tapped her fingernails against her staff, and moved closer to Goro again. "When Jonn and I were little, and our parents died, we went to the Sanctuary because they take in orphans. But the Abbess at the time was ... abusive. She burned us with Sacred Flame because it amused her. When Hansel found us later, in Skyport, he wanted to take us back there, and when he found out what had happened, he killed the Abbess without asking a second question. Because she hurt us." That was the story as Jonn told it. Luci had, of course, been too small to remember. "When we got a little older, and Jonn wanted to be a pirate, he sought out this veteran who used to live out in the woods, and um -- traded favors so that she would teach him how to fight. Hansel didn't even find out about the worst of it, and he still wanted to kill her, no questions asked, simply because he suspected she was a threat to Jonn. "The first time I met you, Hansel told me to stay with you, because you would look after me. He didn't question that, either. Not for a moment. You were his first choice." She tucked her staff against her shoulder and leaned her head against it. Goddess, now she was tired from having to talk so much at once. "He trusts you." LINA: Goro was quiet for a while, thinking. Studying her. He narrowed his eyes. "He was right to kill them." Dimly aware he was missing the point, but still. IZZY: "That's not the point." LINA: "Yeah, I fuckin' know it's not." He hugged his knees. "I don't know what to fuckin' say, alright? Fine, he trusts me sometimes. Doesn't change the fact that he's..." Goro stared at the deck, feeling too helpless to finish. Put it into words. Fine, he'd already resolved not to make Luci listen to any more of this crap, anyway. IZZY: She gave him a long look. "Are you going to finish that sentence, or did you realize that there's no 'but' to be had?" LINA: He gave her a withering look. "Doesn't change the fact that he's not with me. He needed a fucking break." He rested his chin on his knees. "He won't ever just... fuckin' relax around me." He snapped his fingers. "That's what it is. That's the part that's missing. Yeah, he trusts me. But he can't... he can't rest when I'm there." And that felt... fuckin' bad. Made him feel guilty, or ashamed, who fucking knew. He tilted his chin down to his chest, hiding his face. IZZY: Again, Luci was quiet, thinking for a little while. She tried to remember how long ago Hansel had started working for Joan Ripley -- he'd written to her about it, but she ... hadn't been paying much mind to his letters, then. They were all hidden away in a box underneath her bed, back at the Sanctuary, along with all of the letters Jonn had sent her since he'd left. She had opened and read them all, though. It just took her a moment to remember the dates, and the context. "Oh," she said abruptly. "Oh. Goro. Um. He's -- worried about you, and scared, I'm sure --" she'd seen Griffin disappear in a flash of red light, and thought about pulling Gavi back from whatever Gruuman hell she'd seen, thought if there's no body left, I can't help him -- "and he doesn't want to ... burden you." He'd tried very hard to not cry, and she'd tried very hard to not look at him as he apologized. I'm sorry, kid. I'm gonna do better. I swear to god, I'm gonna get my shit together. I'm sorry. She fidgeted, feeling uncomfortably responsible, somehow, and generally uncomfortable. "He, um. He used to ... He would get very upset, whenever he upset me, or Jonn, and then we would have to, um. You know, we would ... feel bad that he was upset, and try to make him feel better. But ... then whatever he'd done to upset us, he would just ... do it again, because -- I suppose how it started would just get lost in the fact that then everyone was upset and crying," she said quietly, and looked away. "I, um. It would've been before you and he even met. I ... told him off for it. I was angry, and unkind. And he told me he would ... do better. I'm sure he just ... wanted to be alone so that you wouldn't have to try to make him feel better." She paused. "I'm sorry if that doesn't ... help." LINA: He lifted his head when she said oh, and watched her as she explained. He blinked slowly, trying to figure out why she was getting all fidgety about it. Ah, jeez. The hell was he doing, letting this poor girl try and make him feel better? Then again, kinda seemed like she wanted to. She wouldn't just let anything slide; she kept saying shit to try and talk him out of feeling bad. Cleric thing, he guessed. Yeah. Cleric thing. "Oh," he said, once he was done thinking through what she'd said. "Well, that's... that's fucking dumb." He sniffled and rubbed his eyes. "I mean--not what you did. You were right to call him out. Just dumb that he'd take off, for that, when I didn't fucking want him to. I just wanted him to stay with me." Arms weren't doing the job anymore, so Goro grabbed the collar of his shirt and tugged it up to cover his face. His breathing got ragged, because he was thinking about the night Hansel had left for Shepherd Hills. He'd said he didn't want anyone getting hurt because of him. That was just the bigger version of this. And if this was gonna be an ongoing problem--oh, no, no. No, no, no, no. "I'm okay," Goro insisted again, and yanked his collar down. "It helps. It does. Y'know, Luci, you're a good... a good... whatever you are." IZZY: "I'm a cleric," she supplied, after a beat. LINA: "Yeah. Yep. And you're doing a bang-up job of it." IZZY: "Thank you. I am." She paused. "So are you." LINA: "Thanks," he said, glowering. IZZY: She smiled, slowly, and gave him a mildly smug look. LINA: He shook his head, keeping his eyes narrowed. "Pfff." Then he sighed and looked down at the deck. He knew he oughta be thinking of something other than his own sorry hide, every now and then. Yeah, he'd done Raef a favor, but Raef wasn't the only one suffering. Everyone on this goddamn ship was, just about. "Hey. You wanna know something?" IZZY: She shrugged, then leaned her shoulder against his again. LINA: "You don't gotta worry about Jonn, and Roddy, and all them. Well, worry maybe, but not too bad. They're alive." IZZY: "Hm." Her smiled faded. "How can you be so certain?" LINA: He held out his arm and pointed exaggeratedly back at his stomach. "I got a feeling, is how. Just got a fuckin' feeling. And my gut's never wrong, Luce. Make of that what you will. Never fucking wrong." IZZY: "One time your gut told you that I was working with the Sanguine Guild." LINA: "No, no, listen, shut up. Not that specific." IZZY: "Hm." She narrowed her eyes at him a bit, wondering if he actually believed himself or was just trying to make her feel better. The latter option wasn't so bad, she supposed. "Well. If you say so. I trust you." LINA: "You think I wouldn't be flipping my shit if I thought my mom and sister were dead? Nah." He closed his eyes and shook his head. "Nah. Listen, Luci, there ain't much that scares me more than losing the people I love, and I'm telling you, I'd know." IZZY: She pulled her knees up to rest her forearms on them, and her chin on top. Jonn used to say that -- that he just knew when she was in trouble. She'd never gotten that feeling, though. Always felt a distance, even from him. "I hope they know that we're coming, then, in the same way," she said. "And that we'll mend whatever's gone wrong." LINA: "Oh, for fuckin' sure. Amari..." He winced--not because he thought he'd lost her, but because she might be hurt. She might be without Joan. "Amari, I guarantee you, she's sitting there--wherever they've got her--she's sitting there all calm and brave-faced, telling everyone else to try and make them brave too--'It's alright. My son is coming. He'll help us.' God, that lady." He shook his head, covering his eyes again. Ah, god damn it, he loved her so much. Crazy as she was. IZZY: Luci nodded. That did sound like Amari. Perhaps she had taken care of them all, kept any of them from doing anything rash or dangerous, kept them safe. She knew that Jonn wouldn't listen to Amari, though. She pulled her knees closer to her chest. She just wished she had that feeling -- that certainty. LINA: Goro drummed his fingers on his knees. He shouldn't hesitate too long, he knew, or there'd be no damn point. Eh, it was alright. Luci wasn't shy about saying what she really thought. He put his arm around her and gave her what he hoped was a comforting squeeze. IZZY: That was ... nice. Luci didn't pull away. LINA: "'S'alright," he said, patting her upper arm. "Alright. Just one more day, then we'll make it right." IZZY: She nodded again. She hoped he was right. END Title: Gut Feeling. Summary: Goro thanks Luci for reviving him after the Leech backfires. She insists that he's a good cleric, and also offers some insight into Hansel's behavior. He reassures her that their family is safe. Hugs occur. Category:Text Roleplay